I have always been scared and afraid of loneliness, I am not the most amiable soul you could meet, so as could guess I am not the most popular amongst anyone. I am constantly in the fear of losing my very few friends. I sometimes go overboard to please people which is not natural to me and it always ends up in a disaster putting me in the position of a creep. After the disaster I start over analyzing the disaster and go into solitary confinement for at least a month with a lot of soul searching and later doing the exact same thing with someone else. This situation reminds me of the phrase my granny used to say, well the phrase is in kannada language and it goes like this - "Naayi Baala donku" which means " a dog's tail is crooked and it can never be straightened" . Creature of habits, I am a sad soul in this huge universe, growing old and doubting self everyday. Seems like the whole world is conspiring against me, which I know is not the case. Today I am just happy to be around people in my favourite café and to forget my fears for some time.
I am sitting at the BarStool which gives an almost 3/4th view of the cafe. There is a barista right in front me smilingly taking orders one after the other, there is one another who is making lattes and cappuccinos, the froth from the drinks is so light and milky white that it is almost inviting, I kind of gave up drinking milky drinks and now I am self doubting my decision ! There are students from UCSB discussing assignments, people listening to music on their headphones, I am happy to listen to the café music which right now is playing "don't dream its over by crowded house". Crowded house seems so appropriate to be associated to the café right now. I earned a gold badge today at the café for buying 30 drinks so far, giving me certain perks, Yayy!, well this is the highlight of my day , and I don't think this will get any better.
I am looking at the people in this foreign land which I have made my home for the past 3.5 years but somehow it still does not seem like my home . I don't talk in the same accent as everyone else, I still stumble to find a word for each letter when I spell my name to strangers and I still don't understand why having florescent lights at home is weird (Probably I am the weird one as everyone else seem so comfortable and confident in their skin around here) And yet I am trying find solace in these people now. This refreshes a question Darshan asked me few days back,
"why does our patriotism end at the border - by Albert Einstein" , well I still can't confidently say why.
I am sitting at the BarStool which gives an almost 3/4th view of the cafe. There is a barista right in front me smilingly taking orders one after the other, there is one another who is making lattes and cappuccinos, the froth from the drinks is so light and milky white that it is almost inviting, I kind of gave up drinking milky drinks and now I am self doubting my decision ! There are students from UCSB discussing assignments, people listening to music on their headphones, I am happy to listen to the café music which right now is playing "don't dream its over by crowded house". Crowded house seems so appropriate to be associated to the café right now. I earned a gold badge today at the café for buying 30 drinks so far, giving me certain perks, Yayy!, well this is the highlight of my day , and I don't think this will get any better.
I am looking at the people in this foreign land which I have made my home for the past 3.5 years but somehow it still does not seem like my home . I don't talk in the same accent as everyone else, I still stumble to find a word for each letter when I spell my name to strangers and I still don't understand why having florescent lights at home is weird (Probably I am the weird one as everyone else seem so comfortable and confident in their skin around here) And yet I am trying find solace in these people now. This refreshes a question Darshan asked me few days back,
"why does our patriotism end at the border - by Albert Einstein" , well I still can't confidently say why.
